Have you noticed that when they take the cameras round a Tory conference all you can see are grey heids? It’s been that way as long as I can remember. I recall watching one back in ’83 and it was the same.
Where are the folk that are Tories right from the womb and who stay loyal down the decades? Does it mean that you become more conservative in your outlook on life as you get older? That’s a bit worrying for someone that’s not long entered his sixth decade (eek!).
I did laugh at Ken Clarke telling us that an independent Scotland would have the same influence on world events as the likes of Malta though. Aye, Ken – because we’ve got plenty of that now eh?
Oh hello, Vlad old bean. It’s Dave Cameron here.
Dave. PM of the UK, the land of Chaucer, Shakespeare, slavery abolishment…
Ah, that insignificant island. The one where Abramovich’s Chelsea play?
Yes, well – would you mind not being so beastly to those poor Ukrainians…
By the way, did you see that they’re back – Tory Hoose, for all North British Conservatives.
Clarke’s comments weren’t as funny as JoLa’s TV appearances though. If, like me, you absolutely love car crash TV then they were compulsive viewing. There’s nothing I love more than watching folk make total roasters of themselves…
The other shade of Tories were gracing us with their presence as well this week and JoLa’s lord and master Red Ed was trying a different wheedling tone with the natives. I’ve noticed this sort of thing becoming more commonplace and it seems to have replaced the “you’ll be flying by the seat of your pants” mockery we were more used to. I wonder what their internal polling is telling them? Anyway, we’ve to vote No to “honour the legacy of the late John Smith” apparently.
Hmm… sorry, Ed – I’m going to need a better reason for selling my country down the river than to give a second thought to the opinions of someone who was riding on the coattails of John Major’s unpopularity and who became a greater would’ve-been PM after he shuffled off this mortal coil. Isn’t it amazing how every time one of them takes his latest expenses form up to St Peter, he immediately becomes a shining beacon of integrity in an often discredited profession? It makes you wonder who all the bstrds are.
Take Donald “an independent Scotland would be like Bangladesh, FFS keep that McCrone Report hidden” Dewar who enjoys near deification up here. He spoke passionately against the privatisation of various industries in his quest to stick up for the working man. Not averse to doing a wee bit of profiteering on their shares was St Donald though. Of course he was maybe going to redistribute that wealth throughout his constituency before he met his Maker so we maybe shouldn’t rush to judgment.
Getting back to Ed’s speech, it was quite big on things like “fairness” and “social justice”. My, my, these new Labour types aren’t half expanding their vocabularies. Didn’t they have 13 years to do something about that? NEXT TIME though. It’s a bit like Scientology where the promised gains will be yours if you only buy that next course. Just elect us again and WE PROMISE…
However, my favourite bit had to be where he was accusing the SNP of mimicking the Tories. That’d be the same Tories that you’re part of Better Together with then? So link arms and join me in a rousing rendition of their conference closer…
Our faces should be deepest red
Whoever thought we’d be in bed
With Tory boys like Cameron?
Our principles have truly gone.
We’ll fight for poor folk that’s a fact.
Unless it’s on the bedroom tax
Hark – what is that sound I hear?
Keir Hardie birlin’ in top gear.