Silly Season

Have you noticed that when they take the cameras round a Tory conference all you can see are grey heids?  It’s been that way as long as I can remember.  I recall watching one back in ’83 and it was the same.

Where are the folk that are Tories right from the womb and who stay loyal down the decades?  Does it mean that you become more conservative in your outlook on life as you get older?  That’s a bit worrying for someone that’s not long entered his sixth decade (eek!).

I did laugh at Ken Clarke telling us that an independent Scotland would have the same influence on world events as the likes of Malta though.  Aye, Ken – because we’ve got plenty of that now eh?

<dring dring>

‘Allo?

Oh hello, Vlad old bean.  It’s Dave Cameron here.

Oo?

Dave. PM of the UK, the land of Chaucer, Shakespeare, slavery abolishment…

Ah, that insignificant island.  The one where Abramovich’s Chelsea play?

Yes, well – would you mind not being so beastly to those poor Ukrainians…

Vookov.

<click>

By the way, did you see that they’re back – Tory Hoose, for all North British Conservatives.

torydar

 

 

 

 

 

Clarke’s comments weren’t as funny as JoLa’s TV appearances though.  If, like me, you absolutely love car crash TV then they were compulsive viewing.  There’s nothing I love more than watching folk make total roasters of themselves…

My good lady will watch such things from behind a cushion while I’ll be gnawing the carpet with laughter.  Wee tip – if you’ve always wanted to do something but you’re no sodding good at it then have a word with yourself.  Right, Johann?

The other shade of Tories were gracing us with their presence as well this week and JoLa’s lord and master Red Ed was trying a different wheedling tone with the natives.  I’ve noticed this sort of thing becoming more commonplace and it seems to have replaced the “you’ll be flying by the seat of your pants” mockery we were more used to.  I wonder what their internal polling is telling them?  Anyway, we’ve to vote No to “honour the legacy of the late John Smith” apparently.

hague

Hmm… sorry, Ed – I’m going to need a better reason for selling my country down the river than to give a second thought to the opinions of someone who was riding on the coattails of John Major’s unpopularity and who became a greater would’ve-been PM after he shuffled off this mortal coil.  Isn’t it amazing how every time one of them takes his latest expenses form up to St Peter, he immediately becomes a shining beacon of integrity in an often discredited profession?  It makes you wonder who all the bstrds are.

Take Donald “an independent Scotland would be like Bangladesh, FFS keep that McCrone Report hidden” Dewar who enjoys near deification up here.  He spoke passionately against the privatisation of various industries in his quest to stick up for the working man.  Not averse to doing a wee bit of profiteering on their shares was St Donald though.  Of course he was maybe going to redistribute that wealth throughout his constituency before he met his Maker so we maybe shouldn’t rush to judgment.

Getting back to Ed’s speech, it was quite big on things like “fairness” and “social justice”.  My, my, these new Labour types aren’t half expanding their vocabularies.  Didn’t they have 13 years to do something about that?  NEXT TIME though.  It’s a bit like Scientology where the promised gains will be yours if you only buy that next course.  Just elect us again and WE PROMISE…

However, my favourite bit had to be where he was accusing the SNP of mimicking the Tories.  That’d be the same Tories that you’re part of Better Together with then?  So link arms and join me in a rousing rendition of their conference closer…

Our faces should be deepest red
Whoever thought we’d be in bed
With Tory boys like Cameron?
Our principles have truly gone.

We’ll fight for poor folk that’s a fact.
Unless it’s on the bedroom tax
Hark – what is that sound I hear?
Keir Hardie birlin’ in top gear.

A Cybernat

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6 Responses to Silly Season

  1. Davy says:

    Well at least Ken Clarke has a good grip on the facts, it appears he thinks its a “devolution” referendum wer’e having this year also that its happening in May, nice to know the Minister without Portfolio has kept up with events in Scotland.

    Myself and the wife watched Lamonts newsnight interview on iplayer and I have to say it was magnificent, it was fully equal to her “new forth road bridge” fuck-up, imagine delivering your partys devolution plans in public and on the media, and then later on TV being shown you do not understand any of the shit you have just spouted. It was fantastic but, please GOD, do not ever let her be in charge of our country.

    I have read her conference speech today and would be very hard to find one piece of honesty within it, the sheer nastyness, and illtricked tone of the whole thing makes me glad I did not hear her speak it. Personally I hope our First Minister and the rest of the SNP government take the gloves off and tear her and her fellow bottom dwellers a new earse hole over the next six months.

    Scottish Labour leadership have no morals nor sense and frankly would screw Scotland into the ground for the sake of themselves and their party (in that order) and I pity the ordinary labour supporter who are being lead by that disgrace.

    • admin says:

      They’re losing the plot, Davy, and are certainly not acting like folk with a commanding lead in the opinion polls. It’ll get worse the further into the ether these ermine robes disappear as well. Things are about to get really nasty.

      Dave

  2. Helena Brown says:

    Well apparently the ermine will remain but the expenses in the other place will disappear and that seems to be the trouble, 41 Labour MP’s without a job, 11 Lib Dems and per auld Davie Mundell, well you might want to feel sorry for him, naw, me neither. What will Labour do when their Big Beasts have naewhere to lay their heids. Lamont should have been toast by now, but I will agree with my Husband who says she gets the job of losing the referendum because none of the rest want the taint.
    As for becoming more conservative as you get older, I am heading for late sixties and I have never changed, if anything I am as rabid as I ever was. So I imagine you like me either didn’t get the memo or you haven’t got the gene’s.

    • admin says:

      One thing that has never changed in my life is my total and utterly unshakable belief that Scotland should be an independent nation. I’d have to mellow a bit to be rabid. ;)

      As for memos, there was a bit of a stooshie on Twitter the other day with some BT muppet claiming that the cybernats were “controlled from somewhere”! Now I’ve got the sodding domain name and top spot on Google so how come I’m not getting these communications? :(

      Dave

      • Helena Brown says:

        Exactly Dave and then I am a member of that terrible SNP and I have yet to receive my orders. I get messages from Nicola but then she would but never anywhere has she said I should write to anyone. I have been commenting on matters Scots for one heck of a long time and BT are not going to stop me.
        By the way can you sue?

        • admin says:

          I’m not sure that injury to my feelings as a result of being left out of any cybernat comms would be a good reason for a lawsuit. I’ll just sit here in my corner of cyberspace with my petted lip. ;)

          Dave

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