They tell me that none other than Tory toff David Cameron was up here gracing us with his presence yet again this week at his party’s North British conference. The Yes campaign must be sitting in the high 80′s by this time. I tend not to watch the UBC so haven’t caught any footage from the venue. Was it even on the telly? If so it was an impressive feat getting a whole camera crew into one of these things:
I did catch some of his gibbering online though. So let’s summarise the words of wisdom from the man who has no wish to interfere in the referendum debate as it’s a matter for the people of Scotland alone as he interfered in the referendum debate…
“We want the Scottish Parliament to have greater responsibility for raising more of the money it spends – that’s what Ruth believes, and I believe it too.”
Well now we seem to be getting somewhere. I actually agree so how about we keep all our money and you can keep yours instead of you keeping ours as well? Sounds like a good deal.
“Vote ‘No’ – that can mean further devolution, more power to the Scottish people and their parliament, but with the crucial insurance policy that comes with being part of the UK.”
And I’ve got this Nigerian pal that will transfer a million pounds for you. Just contact me at the usual address with your bank account details and I’ll pass them on.
“If the Scottish people vote ‘Yes’ in September, then Scotland will become an independent country. There will be no going back, no second chances.”
Well, aye. That’s sort of the idea.
“This is a major life-changing decision – and you don’t make one of those without getting all the information you can. “You wouldn’t choose a car without an MOT.”
And you certainly wouldn’t buy one from a Tory. You wouldn’t even shake hands with one of these without counting your rings afterwards.
“Those spelling out the consequences include the Bank of England’s Mark Carney, who said an independent Scotland would need to give up some power to make a formal currency with the rest of the UK work.”
Would that be the currency union that we definitely, absolutely won’t be getting? Giving up some power would maybe be a wee bit preferable to giving up all our power the way we do now of course.
“Nationalist claims that we’re guilty of scaremongering are a myth.”
“Voting No is about being part of a bigger team. A family of nations. And we’ll see the strength of that family again at the Commonwealth Games this summer. You want to know something wonderful? When the call went out for volunteers at Glasgow 2014, more than a quarter of those who responded were from elsewhere in the UK.”
Wow! I bet there were some applications to volunteer at the forthcoming Ryder Cup from golf fans outside Scotland as well. Weird eh? Whoever would’ve thought that there are other athletics fans on these islands that’d jump at the chance to maybe get close to their idols such as Usain Bolt? Of course the Jamaican superstar’s fans would be disappointed to see him being left trailing in a cloud of dust were Cameron to be in the adjacent lane and someone told him that Alex Salmond had just arrived for a debate.
Don’t mention the war though, Dave – don’t mention the war… oh sh*t too late…
“My great-great uncle, Capt John Geddes, helped lead an heroic charge at the Battle of Kitchener’s Wood in the Great War while serving in the 16th Btn (Canadian Scottish) of the Canadian Expeditionary Force. Now you can debate the rights and wrongs of that war, but no one can dispute what a powerful example it is of how when the chips were down, the stakes were high and the cause was just we stood together. We’re currently drafting proposals to unite with Canada. We’ll send them all of our income, they’ll give us 70% of it back and as a thank-you we’ll store their nuclear warheads on the Thames.”
I made that last bit up. Give somebody all your cash, get some of it back and act as a nuclear shield for them? Whoever heard of anything so ridiculous?