When I say we need you, you say,
“We’re better. We’re better together you bet.”
I hope everyone has now recovered from the shattering blow to the separatist campaign that was the result of the Glasgow University vote. It’s a wee bit disappointing that the referendum has now been cancelled as there’s clearly no longer any point in going ahead with it, but maybe in a generation or two we’ll be ready.
What was the turnout, 12% or something, and yet the MSM are claiming that this is representative of Scottish society as a whole? If 88% don’t turn up next year then we’ve really got a problem. I know when I was at college, if they’d run something like this I wouldn’t have bothered trekking along to it. Too busy – exams, revision and stuff like that. You tended to leave political type stuff to those who were into that sort of thing and with Glasgow Yooni’s tradition of providing fodder to the Labour Party the result probably isn’t much of a surprise. Apparently a similar exercise in 1979 returned a resounding No to devolution. Obviously they got what they wanted even if they had to move the goalposts first.
Anyway, talking about crushing/sledgehammer/fatal blows to the credibility of one side’s arguments, I fully expected to see the loss of the UK’s AAA credit rating plastered all over the MSM. Can you imagine being a Better Togetout activist on their weekend of action after their programmers heard about that?
“We’re stronger together, weaker apart… we’re stronger together, weaker apart…”
“Good morning, sir. Did you know that a separate Scotland would lose its AAA credit rating? That’s one of the benefits of being in a larger union.”
“Really? So now that the UK has lost its own we should apply to join the USA?”
“That’s different entirely, sir. A separate Scotland would’ve lost its rating quicker. We’re stronger together and weaker apart.”
“We stand taller on the world stage.”
“Meaning what exactly?”
“Well we have more global influence as part of the UK. We truly have the best of both worlds.”
“So did we stop the North Koreans testing a nuclear missile recently?”
“We tried, sir.”
“Well they told us to f*** off but at least they listened. They would’ve nuked a separate Scotland for their cheek. Proof that we’re safer as part of the United Kingdom.”
“How does having nuclear weapons so close to our most populated area make us safer?”
“Because if anyone targets us we have the capability of obliterating them straight back. A separate Scotland wouldn’t have that and that’s before we even mention the 100,000 job losses. We built an empire together.”
“The Romans built one too. Should we all learn Latin and start it up again?”
“You can’t dwell on the past. Our ancestors fought side by side against oppression.”
“Does that include massacring these dangerously unarmed Indian citizens at Amritsar where your Prime Minister has been this past week?”
“I’ve never heard of that. At school we only learned important British stuff like how Guy Fawkes tried to blow up our parliament in 1606. Anyway we bunged them a few call centres to shut them up about it. A separate Scotland couldn’t have done that as they would’ve gone bust trying to bail their banks out.”
“So we would’ve been responsible for every penny of debt that the banks found themselves in?”
“Absolutely, and a separate Scotland would also take on a proportional share of the rest of the national debt, only get a per capita share of the oil revenues and have to renegotiate millions of treaties.”
“So why in that case did a Scottish treasury not receive every penny of tax made as a result of the banks’ profits down the centuries?”
“International law is quite clear about who would own what resources on the seabed and even if the Shetlands decided to stay part of the UK did you realise that they’d be treated as an enclave and that the oil and gas would still belong to Scotland?”
“You do realise that these treaties include things like asking the Amazonian natives if they would mind awfully not eating our explorers as they search for temple ruins?”
“Even your own PM has conceded that an independent Scotland could be successful. Even the Daily Record says that Scotland more than pays her way in the union so tell me in words of one syllable what possible benefit there could be in letting another country with conflicting interests make decisions for us?
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