Weeks certainly don’t come more interesting than the one we’ve just had. I used to have this incredible respect for Mother Nature and her powers but now I’m not so sure. Let’s put it this way: it took her a whole 250,000,000 years to change the map from the one on the left to the one on the right.
Now for a relatively small amount of money (in today’s terms) she could’ve done something like this instead:
To be fair, a lot would’ve depended on her being able to find enough people with absolutely no integrity who’d be willing to sell their own down the river and thankfully these are relatively rare.
I have to say it came as a real shock to me to realise that in the eyes of the powers-that-be I’ve actually been English all along. The good thing of course is that it means that we won the World Cup back in… 1966 wasn’t it? I’m not really sure as it’s been a day or two since I last heard it mentioned on the EBC. I’m now convinced that the ball did in fact cross the line after all and froth indignantly at the very thought of us being cheated out of the trophy that was ours by divine right in 2010 when some German karma conspired to deny us a clear goal. Back then I wasn’t in the enlightened state that I’m in now. I’d just had a new carpet fitted and when the Uruguayan referee decided Lampard’s shot hadn’t gone in I nearly wore the damn thing out rolling up and down on it. What do you expect from a Uruguayan of course? Clearly a descendant of some Nazi who fled to South America after we single-handedly won the world war. Both of them.
The bitter together mob keep coming out with some nonsense and just when you think they can’t get any dafter they surprise you all over again. I thought the one about the 14,000 treaties needing negotiated was a belter but I didn’t think they’d manage to top even that just a few days later by telling us we don’t actually exist and haven’t for quite some time. Some crazy Labour woman did have a go all the same with her assertion that the Scottish Government should be building lots of smaller homes to fight against the Tories’ bedroom tax. Aye that’d work. It’d certainly be a lot better than deciding we’d run our own affairs, build a socially just nation and ensure that nobody with such evil ideas ever got near the levers of power again.
Talking about building a nation, apparently we’d have to start from scratch but keep our full share of the debts. Genius! We’ll be given our pro-rata share of the debt that was run up on our behalf down the years but we can go whistle for our share of the assets. I think not. There’s a precedent here albeit in another field. How about we shed all the debts, start again completely afresh but still claim all the history? That way we can still say we won at Bannockburn and Stirling Bridge, etc. We might be kicked out of the EU but maybe they’ve got a third-tier organisation they could demote us to instead? Or we could make huffy noises about joining another trade setup altogether? We could also boycott all their goods and refuse to visit any of their countries on holiday. We’d still call ouselves Scotland but in reality we’d really be Newsco.
I’m sure we’d roll along just fine. Even David Cameron admitted as much: “I have no time for those who say there is no way Scotland could go it alone.” Me either, Dave. Or those who say that if we were independent we’d be flying by the seat of our pants. I can’t imagine what sort of ignoramus would come out with something like that though. “Our ancestors explored the world together and our grandfathers went into battle together as do our kith and kin today, drone, drone, etc, etc.” Why does it always come back to war with that lot? And… Newsflash… we’ve got the Internet now. We don’t have to get some local yokel rat-arsed on cheap rum before dumping his unsuspecting hide onto one of Her Maj’s navy vessels to help us pioneer our way round the globe. These days have gone and the sun has well and truly set. Empires come and empires go. The Romans used to have one. Maybe we should ask to rejoin. These Latin types have some good penalty kick takers amongst them.
Your country was really extinguished
Said the gentleman oh so distinguished
You think you’re a Scot
But the truth is you’re not
The fact is you’re one of us English.
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